To my beloved Ah Ma...

I used to massage for my Ah Ma (Grandma) when I was a child and she, younger. There was one instance where I thumped on her thigh too hard and she said,” So hard for what, you’ll kill Ah Ma by doing that!”, of which I replied,” No la, Ah Ma will never die!” What did a child like me know about living, not to even mention dying. I didn’t believe people close to me would die, well perhaps, but then probably not. No, my immediate family members would never die, or so I thought.
Ah Ma used to call my house (She was staying beside me), and my sis would tell me, “Ah Ma’s voice so loud, oso dun need to use the phone lo.” And we would secretly laugh.
The 1st day the stroke happened, she couldn’t open her eyes nor speak but she could response by gripping with her right hand. It grew progressively worse from then on. The grip was weaker, followed by only some little head movement which we couldn’t be sure if they were responses at all. She left on 2nd Feb, 6.45am.
There I stood, with Ah Ma’s coffin inching closer to the furnace, I realized only till then that I was gona lose her forever, that she wouldn’t be coming back, that I wouldn’t be hearing the voice which I’ve grown so accustomed to. I looked at all the sad faces around me, all the people whom Ah Ma had touched and had a part in their lives. She played the part of a mother, a great grandmother, a dedicated housewife; she was a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend…She was my Ah Ma.
If only Ah Ma could hear me, I would tell her, I can handle the pain so just leave in peace, coz there’s a dark, handsome and tall man waiting for you there, dun keep Ah Gong waiting for so long…Bye Ah Ma, I love you too. Oh btw, I’m gona miss your CNY steamboat.