Thursday, February 15, 2007
知福惜福 、活在当下
诺贝尔文学奖得主萧伯纳说:「此时此刻在地球上,约有两万个人适合当你的人生伴侣,就看你先遇到哪一个,如果在第二个理想伴侣出现之前,你已经跟前一个人发展出相知相惜、互相信赖的深层关系,那后者就会变成你的好朋友,但是若你跟前一个人没有培养出深层关系,感情就容易动摇、变心,直到你与这些理想伴侣候选人的其中一位拥有稳固的深情,才是幸福的开始,漂泊的结束」
爱上一个人不需要靠努力,只需要靠「际遇」,是上天的安排,但是「持续地爱一个人」就要靠「努力」,在爱情的经营中,顺畅运转的要素就是沟通、体谅、包容与自制(面临诱惑��所自制)。有许多人总���为「际遇」所迷惑与���恼,意念不停、欲念���断、争逐不散,而忘���培养经营感情的能力���是幸福的关键。
所以不要去追问到底谁才是我的Mr. or Ms. Right,而是要问说在眼���的伴侣关系中,我能���力到什么程度、成长���什么程度,若没有培���出经营幸福的能力,���算真的 Mr. or Ms. Right出现在你身边,幸���依然会错过的,而活���犹疑与遗憾当中,这���就是许多「爱情虚无���」的遭遇与心态吗?
若你此刻已有一位长久相伴的伴侣,不要再随便三心二意地犹疑了,我们往往不易察觉感情中的一个陷阱,就是「近亲生慢侮」,也就是经济学中的铁律「边际效益递减法则」,跟你在一起越久的人,就越容易麻木与忽视,而新鲜的「际遇」总是那么动人可爱。
在感情对待中,难免有摩擦与无心的伤害,而且论得罪自己的次数累加起来最多的人,当然是跟我们在一起最久、最亲近的人。而新欢呢,又还没开始有得罪你的机会,再加上他的刻意讨好,所以新欢怎么看怎么可爱,旧爱怎么看怎么讨厌。
但别忘了,新欢身上总是有不确定的未知数,旧爱身上就是有难得的熟悉感、确定感、信赖感。千万不要随便在偶然的「际遇」中迷失了自己,错放了幸福温暖的手。
所以萧伯纳的话,是要提醒情人不要太钻牛角尖于寻觅那唯一,应该把精神用在学会经营幸福的能力上,同时也提醒我们「溺水三千只取一瓢饮」若有幸遇到了难得的伴侣,就不要再三心二意了,因为我们永远不知道一生何时会遇到两万个其中的几个 ,所以要知福惜福 、活在当下
4.08am and I miss you.
4.08am and I miss you.
How do we judge people? By their appearances? Or is it the way they conduct themselves? By their background? We’re constantly exposed to others’ judgement, whether we like it or not, some good, some bad, some just plain terrible. I’ve a feeling you know i’m only gona talk about the “plain terrible” ones.
I’ve been called names, by someone whom, I’m starting to doubt, “understands” me. Self-centred, spoilt-brat, bla bla bla lalala etc. I’m not gona go through the whole incident here but yes, I admit I was partly at fault and no, I was NOT entirely wrong. Circumstances changed, I reacted with what I thought was right, to make someone dear to me feel better, and at the same time, not compromising on another’s feeling. I thought she would understand abit, I thought she would accept my explanation, obviously, I miscalculated.
I have to apologise for spoiling your V-day, then again, with someone you love, any other day is V-day, I want to choose our own V-day and call it the We-day and no, it will not be on the 14 Feb. It will be on the 19 Feb and that’s a more significant day for me...us…
I will wait for you at the airport, if you do not wish to turn up, I will go alone.