RIP

After spending a whole Saturday at home, I did pretty much what one could do on a Saturday, enjoy my 360, sing, work out, snack, nap etc. I surfed the internet and was checking through my friendster when I came upon the account of Ishi from Soul, the guy who had commited suicide, while I was away in Brunei. I missed all the media coverage on the news so I thought probably it was a good time to do some catching up since I’m still awake at 3am. I’m momentarily interrupted by this guy on TV who swallows roaches on Ripley’s, disgusting, followed by this cup stacking kid, amazing! Back to our topic, probably a few of you guys knew him personally, I think it is certainly too late to alter anything now, although few of those who were close to him still think that you could have done something to change the course. It’s sad, even for someone like myself, who hadn’t heard of him as an individual. From all those comments on him, he was probably someone I would like, definitely talented in performing arts, and to sum things up, he wasn’t your average joe. What drove him to it? I don’t know. What I know is that sometimes in life, there are moments where we feel the most vulnerable, be it how successful you are, when these moments come, they tumble on you all the same, all logics thrown out of the window! It all boils down to choice; To take route A or Path B, to stay or leave, to embrace life or to waste it. And the single most important guiding principle to this decision should be, if it is going to hurt your family. I will remember them in my next prayer coz only God can ease these kind of pain. To Ishi whom I never knew, rest in peace.

Crossroad

What do you do when you come to a crossroad? With only a worn out road sign that gave accurate directions for all, once upon a time, but no longer? Do you move forward, turn right or travel west? Do you look back, miss all the beautifull scenery, or worse, trip and fall? Do you halt and wait for help that might not come? My wearied mind needs, whoever that wants to take this path with me, not another like-minded person, but one who understands that she doesn’t have to understand everything, instead, just allow me to lead her to our destination…

Boring post

Wah, I think I’m gona have a really bad sore throat. I mean, I’m having a bad sore throat now and it doesn’t feel like it’s gona get better, so there, it’ll get really bad, really soon.
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I always suspect that these open-concept karaoke halls have assisted the spread of flu virus in the 21st century. Here’s why: An infected person sings to the microphone and the saliva with the virus is passed on to subsequent mouths, which touch the microphone. I always get a sore throat after a K-session, especially when I’m a mic-hog. Well, you can’t blame me, Charles doesn’t sing (unless when he’s drunk), Keegan doesn’t sing when he’s drunk (and he gets drunk pretty fast), and the rest of the guys are more pool playing than song singing people.
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Anyway, there was a surprise guest last night, Yixian, a basket-baller turned pilot friend for ours. It was a pity Ah ming and Roland wasn’t around, it would have been so nice to talk about our basket ball days over beer. So much have changed ever since those rigorous training days, yet it seems so…stagnant at times…
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Life passes you by real quickly and too quietly if you ask me. At the end of everyday, I ask myself, “Have I fulfilled my purpose in life?” I never could answer this question…Hopefully one day, I can.

GST

So GST’s going up north along with civil servant’s pay rise. Coincidental? Maybe. Justifiable? Yes. Good timing? No.

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As much as I do not agree with everything the government does, I also do not oppose them for the sake of opposing, unlike many people. What is the point of A suggesting and B opposing while A opposes to everything B says. Success should be a collective effort of everyone and we could start by agreeing with the government, not opposing, let the opposition party keep them in check instead.

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Look around you, how far have we progressed? The government has done a fine job of leading us to where we are at now and boy, how ungrateful some people are. Even if the pay revision is not an effort rendered to retain local talents, I still think that our civil servants could do with higher salaries. Others may argue, hey, crimes’ low, economy is in order, most things are in place, so that leaves nothing much for the government to do but should it not be that good foundation has been laid way before we are at where we are now? In many cases, just because component X (GST) and component Y (salary) move along the same line, does not mean that they are correlated. It could be a reaction to a component Z (unknown). Although a GST hike may cause a backlash among the unhappy citizens, it is here to stay, get used to it. Still unhappy with the salary revision? Go join the civil service.

Home

Nothing smells like home. What does home smells like? Home smells like comfort, home smells like a good night rest, home smells like dryness after you have been out in the rain. Home smells familiar, home pleases my senses, home smells like reality, home permits you to be who you really are and being at home make you the person you are at ease with and not the person others want you to be. Home smells like serenity, home smells safe, home smells like a shelter which nurses the part of you that’s been beaten by the storm.

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I was drenched. At 6.30am, I was drenched. Drenched is when even your underwear is wet. Most of you sleepyheads were still in dreamland as I was caught in an uncompromising torrent, one which had made me feel vulnerable, one which had made me regret having drank and drove(and losing my driving license as a result), one which had made me feel…human.

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Had I have any luck, my cell phone’s battery wouldn’t have run out on me. Connection was lost, I was alone at a bus stop, help was not readily present and I jolly well knew that I had made that decision, a predicament that I had chosen yet not regretted. However resourceful I had been, the many friends I had had, the amount of bills in my wallet, the PSP in my bag, all didn’t matter much at that very moment because I was on my own.

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I had to walk to a petrol station with the downpour slapping on my back, my bag felt heavier than usual, my mood was dimmer than ever, I felt so distant from reality although that probably WAS one of my closest ever from reality. “Never live in denial” as my friend, Charles, always says, but aren’t we, all the time? The HUGO BOSSes, the streaked hair, the NIKE sneakers, the MONT BLANCs, the XBOXes with their virtual realities, mobile phones with emoticons that are ever ready to present the world with their best J/L/;)/:p/:,( and the ARMANI shirt that tells people who you’re not and hid you from the fact that you were born nude.

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Upon reaching the petrol kiosk, I gave my best smile to the auntie behind the counter and said,”Could you please call me a cab, my cell phone has run out of battery?”(The actual sentence was, “my phone no batt, can help me call cab?”). Unsympathetically, the auntie said,” Sorry, you have to call yourself.” Of which I did, I said,” Hey Darren!” Obviously I made up that last sentence, what she meant was for me to call for the cab by my own means, with my bloody own phone which I had made known to her to be dead in the first place! I then proceeded to the back of the counter, snatched her phone, made a call, waited for a cab and arrived home safely.

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Alright I’ve lied again; I didn’t have the guts to do that, I said ok and left. Looking into the mirror, I would have felt sorry for me, she was just jealous, f%*k. Back in the rain I walked, determined to brave the harsh condition, I had good thoughts. I thought of home…and how nice it would be to be there in the next couple of hours perhaps and almost immediately, help came in the form of a green-lighted cab. Wow, thank god! Home was what I had wished for, home was what I would be getting.

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On my way back, I thought I had to pen this down. Once I was home, I checked my underwear, yea indeed it was wet. Saying “I was caught in the rain” definitely doesn’t beat saying “My underwear was wet in the rain”, so now there’s an added incentive to wearing it more often, just kidding la. Well the ordeal lasted for maybe slightly more than an hour but it has taught me lots. Probably the single most important lesson learnt was……bring a damn umbrella next time you idiot.

It's a game? Or not?

Ever been to a carnival? What do you call that event which you tie 2 persons’ (normally a couple) legs, right to the left, together, and they try to outrun another few couples for the Grand Prize of a nicely wrapped-up mug? Especially at those family carnivals, this event would be a must-have. It is a simple game; both have to coordinate well, adjust to each others’ pace, understand the terrain, communicate efficiently and do whatever it takes (hop, run, walk etc) to get to the other end and back.

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The male, being the heavier and taller one, would sometimes have to lean on the physically weaker female to keep their balance. The faster male would feel the resistance of the slower female, at the same time the slower female would feel the faster male’s pull, both would get exhausted by each others’ speed or the lack of it. They would both perspire under the blazing sun, cheered on by the spectators around them who have witnessed it all much clearer than themselves. It is a pity the spectators can’t participate as they would be thinking that they could have done a much better job than the participants, or would they have? Maybe the male would blame the female for moving too slowly but could it be that the male was moving too fast and vice versa? Both of them, under the same circumstance and condition, feel differently, so is anyone to be blamed? Frustration is part of the game. Failure is NOT a certainty. Winning ugly may be acceptable too. At least, some get to the finish line, Top 3 or not, it doesn’t matter, the essence of it, is only the completion. Well, that’s love…for me.

Paint

Have you tried painting your room? Well, don’t! It’s d*%m tiring, time-consuming, not to mention...frustrating! I got stuck in a pointless conversation with a friend which went like this: “Hey bud, I’m trying to paint my room but the colour gets uneven if I do it too fast and”, Mr. Bud interrupts: “What colour?”, to which I replied: “Blue. And if I do it too slow it...”, Mr. Bud interrupts again: “What shade?”, I said: “Blue la, and it’s very tiring if I do it too slow so I think...”, Mr. rude Bud, once again, not at all sensing the urgency, said: “Which shade of blue?”, I ended the call immediately. Does it matter which shade of blue I painted my room in? Ok, just for your information, the tin read “Blue Lagoon” and I know you still don’t have a idea what shade that is! I mean, how blue is “Navy Blue” and how “Navy” is “Navy Blue” actually? Whose navy by the way? Singapore’s or USA’s? We probably perceive “Navy Blue” differently then.

The paint which I bought was the cheapest of all and do you know what that means? It means that I’m not protected from, algae, fungus, fading, chalking, bacterials, water, my “matt finish” is not contemporary enough, does not cover hairline cracks well, is not Ammonia-free, is not heavy metal free, has odour etc! Haha, like I care?! $36 per tin VS $65 per tin, it’s a no-brainer! Duh.

There used to be this trick question(tricky for me coz I was stupid!) in Mathematics: “If one painter takes 10hours to paint a room, how many hours will it take for 2 painters to paint a room?”, I used to gave the answer as 5 hours and no wonder I always got 99marks for my test papers, because it was WRONG! It took 2 painters 12hours to paint the room and why is that so? The other painter was sitting in the middle of the room fidgeting with her phone and blocking the more competent painter’s way. In conclusion, I would have been better off had I done it on my own. Hence, 2 competent painters = 5hours/room whereas 2 incompetent painters = very long and 1 competent painter + 1 phone meddler in a painter’s suit and hat = infinity.

The name of the above-mentioned has been changed to protect Priscilla Huang Lijuan’s identity. :p

知福惜福 、活在当下

往往许多人在抉择伴侣时，容易东想西想，不知所措，就是因为害怕一时做错决定，看错人，造成终生的遗憾。
诺贝尔文学奖得主萧伯纳说：「此时此刻在地球上，约有两万个人适合当你的人生伴侣，就看你先遇到哪一个，如果在第二个理想伴侣出现之前，你已经跟前一个人发展出相知相惜、互相信赖的深层关系，那后者就会变成你的好朋友，但是若你跟前一个人没有培养出深层关系，感情就容易动摇、变心，直到你与这些理想伴侣候选人的其中一位拥有稳固的深情，才是幸福的开始，漂泊的结束」
爱上一个人不需要靠努力，只需要靠「际遇」，是上天的安排，但是「持续地爱一个人」就要靠「努力」，在爱情的经营中，顺畅运转的要素就是沟通、体谅、包容与自制(面临诱惑��所自制)。有许多人总���为「际遇」所迷惑与���恼，意念不停、欲念���断、争逐不散，而忘���培养经营感情的能力���是幸福的关键。
所以不要去追问到底谁才是我的Mr. or Ms. Right，而是要问说在眼���的伴侣关系中，我能���力到什么程度、成长���什么程度，若没有培���出经营幸福的能力，���算真的 Mr. or Ms. Right出现在你身边，幸���依然会错过的，而活���犹疑与遗憾当中，这���就是许多「爱情虚无���」的遭遇与心态吗？
若你此刻已有一位长久相伴的伴侣，不要再随便三心二意地犹疑了，我们往往不易察觉感情中的一个陷阱，就是「近亲生慢侮」，也就是经济学中的铁律「边际效益递减法则」，跟你在一起越久的人，就越容易麻木与忽视，而新鲜的「际遇」总是那么动人可爱。
在感情对待中，难免有摩擦与无心的伤害，而且论得罪自己的次数累加起来最多的人，当然是跟我们在一起最久、最亲近的人。而新欢呢，又还没开始有得罪你的机会，再加上他的刻意讨好，所以新欢怎么看怎么可爱，旧爱怎么看怎么讨厌。
但别忘了，新欢身上总是有不确定的未知数，旧爱身上就是有难得的熟悉感、确定感、信赖感。千万不要随便在偶然的「际遇」中迷失了自己，错放了幸福温暖的手。
所以萧伯纳的话，是要提醒情人不要太钻牛角尖于寻觅那唯一，应该把精神用在学会经营幸福的能力上，同时也提醒我们「溺水三千只取一瓢饮」若有幸遇到了难得的伴侣，就不要再三心二意了，因为我们永远不知道一生何时会遇到两万个其中的几个 ，所以要知福惜福 、活在当下

4.08am and I miss you.

4.08am and I miss you.

How do we judge people? By their appearances? Or is it the way they conduct themselves? By their background? We’re constantly exposed to others’ judgement, whether we like it or not, some good, some bad, some just plain terrible. I’ve a feeling you know i’m only gona talk about the “plain terrible” ones.

I’ve been called names, by someone whom, I’m starting to doubt, “understands” me. Self-centred, spoilt-brat, bla bla bla lalala etc. I’m not gona go through the whole incident here but yes, I admit I was partly at fault and no, I was NOT entirely wrong. Circumstances changed, I reacted with what I thought was right, to make someone dear to me feel better, and at the same time, not compromising on another’s feeling. I thought she would understand abit, I thought she would accept my explanation, obviously, I miscalculated.

I have to apologise for spoiling your V-day, then again, with someone you love, any other day is V-day, I want to choose our own V-day and call it the We-day and no, it will not be on the 14 Feb. It will be on the 19 Feb and that’s a more significant day for me...us…

I will wait for you at the airport, if you do not wish to turn up, I will go alone.