Merry Xmas!

Merry Xmas everyone! “Have yourself a merry lil xmas....” This song has been going on and on in my mind with such consistency that I have to say, not wanting to sound too much like Kylie, I just can’t get it out of my head! It’s one of my favourite Xmas songs though.

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Good mood, festive mood, whatever you may call it, I’m happy!

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This has to be one of the few occasions when I blog when I’m not feeling down. Who blogs when they’re not feeling down anyway? When you’re happy, naturally, you would meet up with some friends whom you should have met up with less often, you go for a few rounds of beer, you get high and start behaving like happy kids. On the contrary, when you’re feeling down, you would meet up with some friends whom you should have met up with more often, you go for a few rounds of beer, you get high and start behaving like sad kids AND you start blogging! You see! Am I right or are you wrong?

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Religious agenda aside, it is strange how different people react to Xmas. Xmas is about hope, it’s about the anticipation of what’s about to come and most importantly it’s about a closure, a closure of what the year has brought to you or taken away from you. Bitter sweet, I say. It’s about forgiveness, it’s about being big-hearted and most of us try to be selfless during this period. Gifts,

Turkeys
, wine and dine, elaborated Xmas cards, best behaviors, caroling etc… All the good things in life… Ah, and there is Santa! By now, most, if not all, would have known that Mr. Santa is unreal, you’re better off believing David Blaine levitation trick (Yes, it’s a trick I’ve yet to figure).

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I celebrate Xmas as a day of fun and joy, not as a day of the birth of Christ, although many believed it to be, where in the bible mentioned it anyway? Well, think I shall not dwell on this any further. I do know of some people who get pre/post Xmas depression, probably because they expected too much out of Xmas and didn’t get back as much. So during Boxing Day, they would go like, “Is that it? Xmas is over but I don’t feel slightly better than I was few days ago…Hmm maybe New Year will be better, so lets just wait a few more days.” Maybe that’s why the suicidal rate on New Year’s day has been the highest, coz these people still hadn’t experience that change that they were yearning for. Hey, it’s not that I have no sympathy over suicidal people, but isn’t it pathetic that most of these people were perfectly normal beings, no physical or mental disabilities (I said MOST), who thought themselves to be dealt with unfairly by life. I can’t say I’ve lots of experience but enough to say that in life, you gain some, you lose some.

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On Xmas eve, I’m gona toss all my priorities aside and enjoy myself! Merry Xmas!

1 + 1 = Ouch!

Hey, it’s me again, here to update you on my pessimistic view of life! Hence the melancholy mood always while I’m blogging.

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Question of the day: What happens when 2 individuals with very different perspectives of life, different priorities in life, same stubbornness and uncompromising attitude meet and become an item? How do you get used to that? Do you give in? Is she likely to even think about giving in?

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Whenever things get rough and I feel a surge of anger building up, I would try to control myself until the anger overwhelms me and I would say things only to regret it 0.65sec later. Still I know I would say that the next time we get into a fight, and the next, and the next, and the next… I can bet you she feels the same way too.

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We’re like 2 porcupines, the tighter we hug, the sharper our bristles are felt, the deeper the wound, the more painful it gets, nobody wants to let go, even when both are bloodied and battered. Now I’m unsure, I’m unsure because of the things she says, I’m unsure because of the things she does, I’m unsure because I’m no longer sure of her commitment… or perhaps it’s mine…

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I’m almost bruised and beaten; I’m almost fragile and frail; I’m almost hurt yet hopeful; I’m almost resigned but really trying my best not to crumble. Almost… but not quite yet… I need some opinions pls.

Placebo, me...

Placebo: 1) a medication prescribed more for the mental relief of the patient than for its actual effect on a disorder; 2) an inert or innocuous substance used especially in controlled experiments testing the efficacy of another substance (as a drug).

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My thoughts:

Placebo is a very common term seen in health magazines, especially when health studies are concerned. In laymen’s term, your existence is merely for the purpose of determining how “the others“(those who actually matter) measure up against you, you are nothing, of no relevance, your only significance being your worthlessness because that is the only way “the others” put you down and destroy you which, ironically wouldn’t materialise as you are but an empty shell. How do you destroy an empty shell?

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My life:

In more ways than one, I see myself as a placebo, a negligible part of an important test, indispensable nevertheless. I play the part of a curious bystander, wondering when that light would shine upon me one day if it ever will. I’m silently observing the people, the main casts of life, as they steadily cruise to the top, in one swift and rapid motion, sweep off all obstacles that stand in their way. Effortless.

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My future:

One day, I want to be amongst the Elites, till then I shall be my placebo. An empty shell, yea, knock me hard enough, I’m going to send out a deafening bang so loud you would think twice the next time you try to step on my tail.

Wicked indulgence...

Chilli crabs. One of my few unhealthy indulgences, I could never resist a plate of chilli crabs, I could never resist anything from my brother-in-law’s kitchen. That was last night’s dinner, served with beef pasta(I’m sure there’s a more complicated name to this dish coz anything this good, does!). I even brought home another serving of the pasta for this morning’s breakfast which, I finished promptly as supper last night. Very fattening...lor! Very delicious...lor!

Oh in case you don’t know, my Brother-in-law is the Award-winning Chef Anderson Ho, author of two cook books, 2nd placed in the World Culinary Olympics 2000, co-owner of Le-Papillon and he can make a meal out of anything, well, almost. My sis never regained her weight since…

“Trained by European master chefs in contemporary French cuisine during his time at the world-renowned Raffles Hotel and well-versed in the use of Eastern ingredients, Anderson Ho enjoys exciting tastebuds with his unique recipes. Internationally recognised for his inventive culinary skills, Anderson was awarded an Individual Gold Award at Food Asia 2000. As Executive Sous Chef of the Singapore National Culinary Team, he helped the Singapore team garners its best ever placing in the IKA Culinary Olympics 2000. In recent years, Anderson has been invited to international food promotion events like Festival Gastronomico International 2001 in Spain, where he was the only chef from the Far East, and Davidoff Gourmet Festivals in Sylt and Berlin, Germany in 1999.”

http://www.chubbyhubby.net/2006/06/le-papillon.html

Live crabs are tough animals, literally and characteristically. Their hard shells make slaughtering them a demanding, not to mention time-consuming, effort and after one is in 7 pieces, they(7 pieces!) tried to crawl in separate direction still, the parts without legs attached to it would be pumping, in pain I supposed. Cruel! Terribly garang! Messy affair! Aiyo, I still prefer cooked crabs :) Just pretend crabs are always born cooked and chilli-ed, eliminate a great deal of guilt felt...The very least I could do was not to waste them...lor!

Low Point

Hi again, haven been updating my blog often. Sigh, when I thought it cldnt get any worse, it juz did.

Im probably at the lowest point of my life right now. Shit happened(Part 1 was out of pure suayness and part 2 was out of pure stupidity) and i only have myself to blame. In a time like this, people wld only like to see someone who mite juz give them abit of hope or else they stay isolated altogether. Foolishness, irresponsibility, u name it. Get me out of this soon…

Yes, admit it, learn from it, dun commit the same mistake again…

放手

歌曲：放手 歌手：汪佩蓉

走吧放心欢喜享受
你想要的生活
对我你不须感到对我
亏欠了我什么
刚分手当然有伤痛
只是我没想过
它会so so so strong oh baby~
但我很高兴你能够
诚实面对自己选择你要的梦

谢谢你在我生命的驻留
直到你离开我
我会记得这些年爱得那么浓
我会将这一份爱保留在心中

坦然的面对你要的自由不用太担心我
我一定会好好过
不想那么多

我一定会好好过我会好好过

纵然心中还有好多不舍
我还是会放手

两只刺猬的故事

Extracted from Boey's blog:

"我有许多故事，其中一个，是关于两只刺猬的故事。

在最寒冷的日子，两只刺猬，在一起。

冷的时候，它们便抱在一起，互相取暖。

可是它们身上都有刺，锋利，尖锐。抱在一起的时候便会疼。

可是它们还是抱在一起了。

也许。仅是因为冷。

它们被彼此扎的遍体鳞伤，也被彼此扎的遍体鳞伤。没有谁是完好的。

可是，它们还是抱在一起。

也许。真的仅是因为冷。

我的故事。讲完了。这就是两只刺猬的故事。

我没有给别人讲过这故事的结局。以前，我一直不知道。结局究竟是什么样子。

也许，是天晴了，两只刺猬不冷了。于是它们各自转身离开了。。

也许，是天太冷，彼此体温太微弱。于是两只刺猬都冻死了。

也许，是刺得太痛，两只刺猬都受不了了，宁可冻死也不再抱着了。

那天，我问他，两只刺猬的故事。结局是什么？

会不会是其中一只刺猬得到了一件棉袄。它不冷了。于是，就不再需要抱抱。便离开了。。

他说。不会。

即便，是遍体鳞伤。即便，是撕心裂肺痛彻心扉。

死。也要抱在一起。

死。也要死在彼此怀中。

这是21岁的童话。最后的童话。

而今。我终于知道，两只刺猬故事的结局。没有谁死。

亦或许，都死了。。"

Love at 1st sight? possible?

Read a blog entry on the topic, “Look at 1st sight”...Is it possible? Nah i dun tink so, but i tink the phrase has been misunderstood.

“Love at first sight” is never what it may have sounded like: an over-beautified, Hollywood-induced, seemingly impossible fairytale-like plot.

A desperate attempt to glorify the encounter at most.

More often than not, it wld mean a desire to develope that attraction/emotional bond or the lack of it, into something deeper and stronger or into “love” as what many wld call it, be it platonically or physically.

Like a good politician, rejection and acceptance are never right OR wrong, yet always right AND wrong.